can you use social media like a buddha?

I admit it, there are times I use social media fill up the empty parts of my day. Whether it's in a waiting room, in line at the grocery store, or laying in bed to pass the time.

Sometimes, I use social media a little less innocently. I sometimes use social media to numb my own discomfort. When i'm stressed out about school work, in an uncomfortable social situation, or adjusting to change.

Over time I've noticed that when I reach for my phone after feeling uncomfortable or anxious, I get off the phone feeling 10x more anxious than I was before. We live in a world of immediate comfort; numbing ourselves with fast food, television, substances, party culture, hard work, and you guessed it, social media. Social media has created so many opportunities, but when used unconsciously, it can also have detrimental effects, many of which have been seen in scientific studies.

My university has a ‘trimester like’ schedule, so my winter break is actually a month and a half long, almost like a summer vacation. Although it might seem nice having a long break, I admit that I’m in emotional limbo for almost half of it. I’ve never ever been good with change, so half my break is usually spent adjusting to life back at home. I get used to living with my family again, working, seeing the people in my hometown, etc. then I head back to college and have to do it all over again. Once I’m in the swing of things I feel great, but when i'm in that limbo phase, I deal with a lot of discomfort.

This past break I had a remote internship 3 days a week, worked a few part-time jobs, started writing an EP, and spent time with family and friends, but I noticed whenever I had time to relax, discomfort would settle in.

This break especially, I noticed when I felt uncomfortable I was always going to my phone. Checking Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc. After going on these social apps for a while I'd start to hear negative comments in my head like..

“this person is accomplishing more than you”

“you’re just so behind”

“you need to get more things like that”

“you need to make more posts like that”

These are some things I normally don't think to myself.

I was experiencing so much anxiety. More than I had in a long time.

So, I decided to pick up a book from my bookshelf called The Practical Neuroscience of Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson. I bought the book when I was younger, but wasn't able to understand it at the time. After hearing hearing an overly anxious and emotional script in my head, I thought I needed some type of rationale to counteract it. What better rationale than The Buddha?

I began reading and loved it immediately. The author started the first chapter by explaining how our neurons fire when we’re upset, and how each part of the brain reacts to emotions. He went on to describe what he calls the first darts and second darts. Here’s how he explains them:

“To borrow an expression from Buddha, inescapable physical or mental discomfort is the “first dart” of existence. As long as you live and love, some of those darts will come your way.”

So, in other words, “first darts” are the upsetting, sometimes inescapable things that happen in our lives. As long as we're taking risks and living our lives, these things will happen. Someone rear ends your car, you fail a test, your significant other breaks up with you, or life changes in some way. Hanson then says this:

“First darts are unpleasant to be sure. But then we add our reactions to them. These reactions are ‘second darts’- the ones we throw at ourselves.”

Second darts are the reactions we have to our first darts. For example, maybe failing a test is the first dart; an unpleasant, not so happy experience. Your second dart can be either positive or negative. You might look down on yourself and call yourself stupid, or you could appreciate that you tried your hardest, and decide to give it your best shot next time.

The most important thing in this equation, is the moment between your first and second dart, which can be a moment of either consciousness, or unconsciousness. After the first dart hits, are you choosing your reaction?

“Over time, through training and shaping your mind and brain, you can even change what arises, increasing what’s positive and decreasing what’s negative.”

The concept of the first dart and second dart made me think about my recent use of social media. Anytime I was dealing with discomfort from the change I was experiencing (the first dart), I responded to it with social media to numb my pain and then started comparing myself to others (negative second dart).

Hanson then explained my favorite concept of all: the 4 levels for consciousness in choosing your second dart. Here’s how he explains the levels and how I see them in regards to social media.

“As you deal with different issues on your path of awakening, you’ll repeatedly encounter these stages of growth”

Stage One- You’re caught in a second dart reaction and don’t even realize it.

Social Media Example- You feel discomfort, and it continues as you pick up your phone, scroll through social media, and compare yourself to others. This leaves you in a state of dissatisfaction, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Stage Two- You realize you’ve been hijacked by greed or hatred (in the broadest sense), but cannot help yourself: internally you’re screaming.

Social Media Example- You feel the discomfort, but still resort to social media to numb it. You recognize that you’re doing something out of boredom/sadness/insecurity/anxiety, but you just can’t help it.

Stage Three- Some aspect of a reaction arises, but you don’t act it out.

Social Media Example- You recognize the feeling of discomfort, but before you reach for your phone, you sit with the feeling and remind yourself that you have the ability to comfort yourself.

Stage Four- The reaction doesn’t even come up, and sometimes you forget you ever had the issue.

Social Media Example- When discomfort comes up, you no longer feel the need to reach for your phone. You sit with your feelings, understand that they are just feelings, and avoid further discomfort and anxiety by scrolling through social media.

These stages are a series of training your mind. Although it might seem like a daunting task, it's extremely effective. When it feels impossible, there are different resources to help you. Recently, I’ve been using the Screen Time feature on the iPhone to track and reduce the amount of time that I spend on social apps. You can even set a time of day you spend off-screen. When opening the apps, a small hourglass will come up reminding you that you’re having off-screen time or that you’ve reached your time limit for the day.

Using this “dart” mentality can really improve all areas of your life. When faced with difficult circumstances, don’t recreate more discomfort. Just remember how The Buddha did it!